Rise of the ‘Quiet Proposal’ – why couples are avoiding the stresses of a grand gesture

As one of life’s biggest and most memorable moments, planning a special marriage proposal for your partner can feel like a lot of pressure. In a recent study by Pandora UK, it was revealed that the most stressful part of planning a proposal was keeping it a secret, with nearly a quarter (23%) saying they found it difficult¹.

Finding the right location to pop the question was listed as the second most stressful part. And with almost nine in ten (89%) of those who were proposed to saying they wanted a private rather than public proposal, securing a meaningful but secluded spot can be tricky.

There’s also an emerging trend in ‘quiet proposals’ – low-key, intimate moments with personal touches, rather than lavish, grand gestures that take lots of planning. Often with this trend, rather than the proposal being a surprise or planned by one party, the couple might have already discussed the event and would choose a ring together. Emma Fox, jewellery expert at Pandora commented on this trend:

“More and more couples today are redefining traditions around proposals and weddings. If you and your partner openly discuss marriage and would prefer to make the decision to get engaged together, that can be a beautiful and meaningful approach.

“You can plan a special day together – perhaps incorporating ring shopping into it, or even choosing a different piece of jewellery like a necklace or bracelet to signify the new chapter in your relationship.”

For those who do want to keep the ring a surprise, Emma has shared top tips on getting it right, as this was also listed as one of the hardest parts of the proposal.

“There are lots of ways you can get an idea of what style ring your partner would like, the most obvious being asking their closest friend or family member – either they’ll have discussed the topic before, or they can broach the subject with them and report back.

“Alternatively, casually showing them pictures of other people’s proposals (and engagement rings) and asking their opinion can help you to form an idea of what style they’d like. Or if they use Pinterest, have a look at their profile to see if they’ve saved any future wedding or engagement inspiration, as this might also provide some useful clues!

“I’d suggest paying attention to their jewellery collection and the styles of rings or bracelets they typically wear. If they often lean towards a particular metal, like gold, silver or rose gold, choosing a ring with the same coloured band should be a safe choice. If they like chunkier pieces of jewellery you might want to go for a thicker band, or a more sculptural design with statement stones.

“If you’re really concerned about getting the engagement ring style right, another option would be to propose with a placeholder ring and choose the ring together with your partner. This makes it more personal to them and ensures they’ll love the ring for years to come, whilst maintaining the surprise element of the proposal. The placeholder ring can then be swapped to another finger, or used when travelling to avoid losing your engagement ring.”

Almost one in ten (9%) said that getting the right ring size was stressful for them but there are ways of getting this information without spilling your secret, Emma says:

“If they wear other rings on their left hand, borrowing one to measure with a ring sizer or tape measure can help to get the right size – this is perfect if it’s one they wear on their ring finger but if not you should be able to roughly judge this. Generally a ring worn on the middle finger would be around half a size bigger than their ring finger size, and a ring worn on the index finger would be roughly a whole size bigger.

“If this isn’t an option, again, asking friends and family if they know their ring size or to go jewellery shopping with them to find out is also a good option.

“It’s better to go for the bigger size option if you’re still unsure, as it’s easier to size them down than to size up.”