Bittersweet memoir by Birmingham author explores the unique pain of losing a sibling
At the age of forty-one, Ramendeep Dhoot was in a deeply unhappy place in her life. Never married and without the children she longed for, she was in the midst of a personal crisis, struggling to figure out how to rebalance her life and follow her dreams. Then the unthinkable happened: her beloved brother Herman died.
Herman’s death was completely unexpected. The simultaneous impact of shock and loss on Ramendeep was profound. Having shouldered the death of their father in 2004 together, Ramendeep was without her older brother’s support for the first time in her entire life. The siblings were devoted to each other and had always enjoyed a special relationship. In her grief, Ramendeep realised how little acknowledgment was given to the bereavement of a sibling, and how friends and family members found it difficult to imagine or understand the depth of pain. At first, the thought of carrying on without the brother she adored wasn’t something she could comprehend. Grief changed her instantly and irreparably. Ramendeep had kept a journal for over twenty years and during this difficult time writing was both a catharsis for her and something she hoped one day might serve to help and comfort someone else.
Based on this intimate journal, Herman’s Sister is an arresting depiction of the raw power of grief, revealing the anguish, the rage and the sense of abandonment Ramendeep felt as she mourned her brother. His death was sudden, leaving her with unanswered questions. Together with her mother, the women left behind had to be strong for each another as their world went dark. Herman’s Sister is also a life-affirming celebration of the unique bond between siblings, their passionate advocacy for one another through the trials and tribulations of life, and the unconditional, enduring love between brother and sister.
In Indian culture family is everything. At the same time, the role of the single woman is complex, and conversations about emotional fragility are not always encouraged. Ramendeep found that her grief could not find a voice and that access to support or counselling seemed impossible. She shares great insight into this cultural dynamic and how for her, talking about her grief was empowering and liberating.
Ramendeep hopes to change society’s expectations of how we grieve by laying bare her own journey through it. She hopes that her book will allow others experiencing bereavement to find courage in their loss and by sharing her story she will also share the strength she has finally found to keep going.
About the author: Ramendeep Dhoot was born and raised in Wolverhampton. Having travelled extensively to over thirty countries, she spent in Cambodia working in an orphanage. Dhoot lives in Birmingham. This is her first book.
Herman’s Sister by Ramendeep Dhoot is published by Clink Street Publishing, October 6th 2022, RRP £7.99 paperback, £3.99 ebook and is available to pre-order online and from all good bookstores.
